Last lesson we looked at the negative effect that improper parental influences
can have upon our marriages. Today I want to look at one other issue that
I think hinders the health of many married couples, and that ladies, is
our children! Now, some of you may be thinking to yourselves, "Little
innocent children, how can the little darlings possibly come between the
companionship of husband and wife?" Children, when allowed to take continual
precedence over the time a husband and wife need to spend together ALONE,
can block the intimacy in our marriages. For instance, many parents today
allow their children to sleep with them, some until their children are
almost school age! In so doing, they put their own marriages asunder,
bringing division between husband and wife in this seemingly harmless
manner.
Matthew 19:6 (KJV)
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath
joined together, LET NOT MAN PUT ASUNDER.
Mark 10:9 (KJV)
What therefore God hath joined together, LET NOT MAN PUT ASUNDER.
As a matter of fact, let's look at the definition of "asunder" through
the eyes of Webster's 1828 dictionary which says: Apart; into parts; separately;
in a divided state. The marriage bed that God intended for husband and
wife alone to share has become a family gathering place! It has been divided
up and part has been given to the children. The dinner table should be
where the family gathers, not in Mom and Dad's bedroom! What is shared
between husband and wife should remain the way God set it up to be, and
it was designed to be sacred!! Are your marriages sacred today, ladies?
Or have you put it asunder, divided it up and given portions away, making
it a public affair? Do you revere your time alone with your husband, guarding
and protecting it, or are you letting your children come between the two
of you? If husband and wife do not treat their marriages as sacred, neither
will your children! They will not respect your time alone and will never
grow up giving it a thought or consider it to be a priority. At our house
our children are not allowed to even walk into our bedroom without permission.
We have trained them to approach what is shared between husband and wife
with respect and reverence. They are not allowed just to treat our room
as any other room in the house. You see ladies; our marriages are not
to be all open and public to our children, or even others! Some privacy
must remain, made up of things that only a husband and wife share and
know, time that is just theirs, separate and set apart from all other
influences. In view of this truth, how much of your marriage have you
carelessly divided up and given away and how much have you kept sacred?
Mark 3:25 (KJV)
And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
I have been reading a homemaking textbook from the 1940's and in the chapter
on children, there is a recommended daily schedule for children ages 2
to 6 listed. I think you'll find it interesting…
7:00 - Toilet. Brush teeth. Wash hands and face. Dress.
7:30 - Breakfast. Toilet for bowel movement. Wash hands. Out of doors
as soon after breakfast as weather permits. Play in sun when possible.
11:00 - Toilet. Wash hands. Milk or fruit if needed. Undress for nap.
Nap.
12:45 - Toilet. Wash hands and face. Dress.
1:00 - Dinner. Toilet. Wash hands.
1:30 - Out of doors as long as weather permits. Play in sun when possible.
4:45 - Toilet. Bath.
5:15 - Supper. Toilet. Wash. Brush teeth.
6:00 - Bed. Lights out, windows open, door shut.
One thing that is obviously stressed here is the importance of developing
regular habits, amen? By the time a child has reached the age of one year,
his habits of sleeping, eating, and of elimination should be well established.
Though schedules may vary according to the habits of the family, the point
is, there should be one! A regular schedule, or routine of living, is
valuable for people of all ages. If not, ill behavior surfaces. Who does
not get tired or miserable when there is loss of sleep or waiting unnecessarily
for their food?? We certainly have strayed away from this way of life
in our society, and it is showing up in the lives of our children. You
see, children also hinder the marital relationship when their ill behavior
is ignored, when they are not disciplined or trained properly. For instance,
when little Johnny or Suzy is allowed to pitch a fit during dinner, husband
and wife cannot enjoy family mealtime. Dad eats alone while Mom is up
and down trying to find what it is that the spoiled child wants! This
is not an atmosphere where peaceful discussion between those who are gathered
round the table can enjoy themselves. Mealtime becomes a dreaded and avoided
event. In fact, even the thought of going to a public restaurant with
such undisciplined children is exhausting! Take charge of your children;
don't let their flesh control the atmosphere of your homes or you'll find
your husband coming home later and less often for dinner…
Proverbs 22:6 (KJV)
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will
not depart from it.
I have observed numerous young couples trying to shop together while dragging
along a miserable child who is screaming because he or she wanted something
and didn't get it. The parents go on sauntering through the store pretending
as if the child weren't breaking down the atmosphere between them. Though
neither adult is able to enjoy each other's company with such fleshly
display at it's peak, neither of them do anything about the unruly child!
Ladies, social life becomes greatly hindered and limited when children
remain undisciplined. Weddings, funerals, parties, church functions, family
gatherings etc. cannot be attended, nor are they the slightest bit pleasurable
in such cases. When children carry on in a disruptive manner, it causes
one parent to have to take the child out of the setting they are in or
simply stay home altogether! Hence, husband and wife have been divided
by children rather than bonded by them. Disciplining your children saves
their lives and the life of your marriage - don't neglect this important
issue! Do you want your husband to find more pleasure in his conversations
with another woman more than he can with you?? Is it easier for him to
have a relaxing, decent discussion with women at work more than it is
for him to have one at home with his own wife?? Get a handle on the atmosphere
of your homes so your husband can look forward to being there and being
with you! Both parents should see to it that the children behave appropriately
- apart from being diverted or given their own way. Children should, and
can, be trained in self-control. There is no prosperity where subjection
is not present! Take back and protect what belongs to you and your husband
- the sacredness of your marriage - by proper parenting…
1 Tim. 3:4 (KJV)
One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection
with all gravity;
Home schooling our children can also hinder marital intimacy if folks
are not careful. With sincere concern for their well being, home educators
tend to dive in to various educational activities offered for their children
outside the home. Unfortunately, such goings-on can cause homemakers to
forsake their schedules, their routines, and an organized home life, and
as a result, end up neglecting their priorities due to overindulgence
in learning opportunities. As a result, wives live apart from their husbands
on their own schedules, rather than with them and their schedules! We
literally "fit" our husbands into our busy lives, rather than planning
our lives around the times they will be home. How many of you have permitted
outside commitments to rob from your housework, only to have to catch
up on it later in the evening - when your husband is home?? Hence, the
time you should be using to spend with him is consumed with what you neglected
to accomplish earlier that day. Are you stealing from your marital time
in any way, dear wife? Have you neglected to schedule a happy home? We
must be sure that all of the good things we engage in are not cutting
off our husbands and leaving them marital orphans, whether we school at
home or not! Keep your priorities in order - make sure that your marriage
is at the top of your list. After all, that's where the Lord put it!
Hebrews 13:4a (KJV)
Marriage is honourable in all….
God Bless,
Pam
Isaiah 60:1&2
Copyright 2000 Pamela A. Iannello
Revised 2003
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