To build a house we need a design and blueprint from an architect. The
design should be both beautiful and comfortable. To build a beautiful,
satisfying marriage to fill that house, we also need a wise designer's
plan, amen? God, the master Creator, gives us that design in His Word.
As we follow every detail of His plan precisely, then all building of
our marriages will result in a perfectly constructed relationship between
man and wife. This is what makes building a house so exciting! As you
follow the architect's blueprints, working diligently at building as it
takes shape before your eyes, then the purpose and the plan begins to
make perfect sense. So too, the purpose and the plan for our marriages
will become clear when the Blueprint - God's Word - is followed. Along
with our understanding will come the excitement of building - but only
once the construction begins! Are you ready to begin construction on your
marriage today, ladies? If so we must look closely at God's design, so
turn with me to Genesis 1:27 which says:
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him;
male and female created he them.
Male AND female created He them, the Bible says… Even though man has grossly
distorted God's plan by allowing same sex marriages, God's distinct design
was made to be intelligible. Man was created to glorify the image of God,
not pervert his prototype with feminine resemblance. Such attributes were
not intended to frame the character of a man; they were intended for the
female to bear. Hence, in marriage, there is a uniqueness to each sex
that is brought into the marriage, which should help us to accept and
respect one another, for God created us distinctively on purpose! And
He said the difference was very good…
Genesis 1:31 (KJV)
And God saw EVERYTHING that he had made, and, behold, it was very good….
It's funny, but right after we marry our husbands, one of the first things
women attempt is to CHANGE God's outline by trying to make our husbands
similar to us! It is when we marry and live with our husbands on a more
intimate level that we come to fully realize the depth of the contrast
between men and women. We react by disliking the differences rather than
respecting them, and immediately begin our own independent construction
program on these men we've married. We are convinced God messed up when
He designed man and now needs a woman to help to "re-form" what the Lord
has already formed! It's true; don't deny it ladies! We try to renovate
our husbands into beings just like us; we have our own plans for them
and for our marriages. We want men to see, think, feel, understand and
respond to life as we do! But God, in His infinite wisdom, has not designed
them to act this way, it is not part of His family blueprint, and all
women would do well to appreciate God's plan and leave it alone! His is
the BEST plan by which to build. It is when we try to change the Lord's
design that we become most miserable… God declares it GOOD that we are
different, even if we don't like it! Accept the differences in your husband
- that is the first thing you must work on if you intend to have a satisfying
marriage.
Ephes. 2:10 (KJV)
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which
God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
Within the realm of our unique differences, God gave men and women specific
responsibilities accordingly. These too, are part of His master plan for
building a happy home. We must each accept and willingly follow God's
order and fulfill the tasks He has laid out for us. Not all construction
workers do the same job when building a home, amen? There are different
jobs that each must do, and so it is within our marriages. Men and women
are designed differently, both emotionally and physically, in order to
carry out their assigned purposes. Let's look at the man's responsibilities
first in light of verses 8 and 15 of Genesis chapter 2...
Vs. 8
And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the
man whom he had formed.
Vs. 15
And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to
dress it and to keep it.
This is the first occupation in the Bible, the job that God gave ADAM
to do. God planted the garden Himself and then placed Adam there in the
garden to work it even before Eve was formed. Man was to be the one who
worked outside the home; it is his God given responsibility. As we cross-reference
this verse with verse 19 of Genesis 3, we can see that after the fall
of man occurred, God spoke to Adam and told HIM that his workload would
increase as part of the penalty for his sin. God did not address this
penalty to Eve because this was not a responsibility that God had designed
for woman. As a matter of fact, her penalty was to be sorrow in childbirth.
So ladies, let's operate within the boundaries of our duties as men and
women and follow God's design for our lives. The Lord set up these limitations
for our own good and the good of our homes so that both sexes would be
satisfied. Simply put, men and women were each created differently so
that that we might be able to manage our God given responsibilities. This
part of God's plan must also be accepted if we are to become fully satisfied
within our marriages. Let's look at woman's responsibilities now in light
of verse 18 of Genesis chapter two which says:
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I
will make him an help meet for him.
For the first time God has declared something in His creation was not
good! I think we should sit up and take notice of it, don't you? If God
were to come to your house today and knock on your door and tell you that
something in your life was not good - wouldn't you listen intently to
what He had to say? I sure would! Well, ladies, here in His Word, God
is telling us something that is not good and it's the same thing as having
Him in person, amen? The Word IS God, the Bible says. So then, what is
it that is not good? It is not good that the man should be alone….
Is your husband alone today? Yes, it's true, even as married men our husbands
can be alone! Alone in their daily plans and goals, alone in their sexual
desires, alone in their dreams for the future, alone in the way they spend
their leisure time, alone in their walk with the Lord and ministry, alone
as a parent… Woman was created to be a helpmeet, a suitable helper designed
to come along side her husband and be a companion to him in all of these
areas of his life and more! What emotions do you associate with the word
"help-meet"? Do you truly desire to unite with your husband and be his
companion - even in that which you do not enjoy, understand, or agree
with?? Is there a willingness on your part to accompany him through everything?
Or do you desert your man whenever he differs from you? If that is the
case, then your husband is always alone!! Oh, physically we are still
joined in matrimony, but in our hearts we have abandoned them… Ladies,
understand that God designed your position as his wife to prevent your
husband from being without help and comfort in his work. Is there anything
hindering you today from from submitting to God's perfect plan?
Eccles. 4:9-12 (KJV)
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that
is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. [11]
Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm
alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a
threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Today many men, though married, are still lacking a loyal assistant. I
hope your husband is not one of them! I hope you have not left your man
alone just to fulfill your own selfish desires or dreams. I hope you have
not gone your separate ways due to the fact that you don't like what he
likes. By the way, do you prepare what your husband enjoys for dinner,
or only what you and the kids prefer? Is he alone in his favorite foods??
Is he alone in his sexual desires most of the time? Do the two of you
come together physically only if and when YOU are in the mood? Do you
react to your husband's need for physical intimacy as if he were a bother?
I hope you have not left him devoid of support simply because he is making
a decision with which you do not agree. Are you opposing your husband
even in front of your children? Do they observe that their father is alone
in most of his decisions, or is their mother his companion in all matters
of life? I hope you have not left your husband alone in fathering your
children by letting them clearly know you do not agree with his parenting
techniques or a decision he has made in regard to them. Do you freely
and regularly undermine his authority? I hope you have not deserted your
husband in his ministry by never cooperating with him or cheering him
on to serve the Lord. Do you ever become resentful of being left alone
while he is away from time to time ministering to others? Do you pout
and respond with, "Not again!" Do you resent the time that he is reading
his Bible and praying rather than helping you with the kids? Maybe your
husband has felt the Lord's leading in regard to finding a better church,
or starting up a new ministry but you are resisting him in that decision,
and have left him to search alone. Perhaps you aren't attending church
at all at present, and your husband wants to begin. Is he by himself in
this pursuit?? I hope you have not left your husband alone in his failures
because you are out to prove that you knew what was right all along and
thereby punish him for not listening to you! Perhaps you have a husband
who is not saved or growing in the Lord right now... Have you inwardly
deserted the one to whom you made a commitment before God to stay with
for better or for worse?? Can you honestly say today you desire to accompany
your husband in ALL his failures, dear lady?? Men are not stupid; they
know when their wives have abandoned their post, because God has designed
them to need a helpmeet! They can tell when sincere help is missing….
Are you AWOL in your marriage??
Proverbs 31:12 (KJV)
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Today, let's take thorough inventory, asking God and our husbands if there
are any wifely areas where we have gone astray and purpose to be the kind
of helpmeet that God intended a husband to have. Ladies, this is what
it means to begin constructing a satisfying marriage! If you're married
today, you've already got your building permit! Don't waste time - get
to work! Follow the blueprints in the Bible, given by the master Creator.
Proverbs 14:1 says, "Every wise woman buildeth her house"… I hope that's
you!
God Bless,
Pam
Isaiah 60:1&2
Copyright 2000 Pamela A. Iannello
Revised 2003
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