So- called 'experts' in management tell us that everybody wants to be made to feel important, everybody wants to be noticed. Supposedly if you say or do something to make others feel insignificant, you have failed in human relations. It seems as if today that is all you ever hear about - positive this and positive that - even in the church! It's become a sin to talk about sin... Society associates a certain 'power' with positives. No negatives are to be mentioned or addressed for they are considered to be 'destructive energies' etc. However, affirmation can become distorted....
To affirm is to assert positively, to tell with confidence, to declare the existence of something, to maintain that it is true as opposed to negative or denial. Just what kind of affirmation do people really need? According to Webster's definition I just shared with you, if we are going to be affirmative, we are going to have to also be honest, amen? Should we affirm what does not exist in another person's life just because it will send a 'good vibe' their way?? Should we affirm what does not exist in another's life just so we can send ourselves a 'good vibe' by feeling like we are one of those wonderful people that goes around spreading positives all over the place regardless of their existence?? This thought brings us to our next question: Just when do people need affirmation? All the time? To get the right and proper perspective on affirmation, we must of course, go to the Word of God. Turn with me to Luke 14 and let's read verses 7-14 which say:
"And he put forth a parable to those which were bidden, when he marked how they chose out the chief rooms; saying unto them, When thou art bidden of any man to a wedding, sit not down in the highest room; lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden of him; And he that bade thee and him come and say to thee, Give this man place; and thou begin with shame to take the lowest room. But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher: then shalt thou have worship in the presence of them that sit at meat with thee. For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted."
We find through these verses that just like today, there were status symbols even back in Jesus day that were attached to certain people because of their social standing. This placed a certain emphasis not only on their life, but also on your life if you were seated by them. Everybody wanted to be exalted, everybody wanted to be seated and treated like a leader. Even in the year 2000, if you don't treat people this way, anger and resentment is typically the reaction you'll get. Just ask your local Bible preaching pastor! It seems it was more important to sit in certain places than to live the right kind of life... This is a primary example of distorted affirmation. It's one of the ways we incorrectly emphasize other persons and want to be noticed ourselves, and frankly ladies, it does none of us any good! How many of us proudly feel a certain amount of importance is attached to our lives if we know a celebrity or know someone who knows a celebrity - even in Christian circles. How ridiculous this false importance is..... In our quest for an affirmative reputation, we have forsaken character!
2 Cor. 10:12 "For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise."
We see then how great a need there is for honest affirmation, amen? Humility must be present if we are ever going to be able to honestly affirm that which is good and right. Some people try to give the appearance of humility in order to manipulate others to think positively about them. Others think that humility means putting themselves down while affirming only other persons. This too is distorted affirmation and just as hateful to the Lord as one who puffs himself up! Truly humble people compare themselves only with Christ in order to identify that which should be affirmed in themselves, first realizing their own sinfulness in order to do so! Only with God's perspective can we affirm that which SHOULD be affirmed in our own lives, as well as in the lives of others. Those who humble themselves first can also, with a balanced perspective, properly recognize their gifts and strengths and are willing to use them as Christ directs. You see ladies, humility is not self-degradation; it is realistic assessment paving the way for godly affirmation and correction...
Such was the way that the apostle Paul dealt with those he was writing to. If you take some time today to look at the beginning of the books of Paul, going from Romans all the way through to Philemon, you will notice that before the apostle Paul corrected the individuals or churches that he wrote to, he affirmed in them that which was good, right and godly, that which God Himself would put His stamp of approval on. Let's look at some right now....
Romans 1:8-9, "First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you all, that your faith is spoken of throughout the whole world. For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I make mention of you always in my prayers."
1 Corinthians 1:4, "I thank my God always on your behalf, for the grace of God which is given you by Jesus Christ."
Ephesians 1:15-16, "Wherefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus, and love unto all the saints, cease not to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers..."
Phillipians 1:3-6, "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy, For your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ."
Colossians 1:3-4, "We give thanks to God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you, Since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus, and of the love which ye have to all the saints..."
1 Thessalonians 1:2-3, "We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of your in our prayers; Remembering without ceasing your work of faith, and labour of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ, in the sight of God and our Father..."
2 Thessalonians 1:3-4, "We are bound to thank God always for you, brethren, as it is meet, because that your faith groweth exceedingly, and the charity of every one of you all toward each other aboundeth; So that we ourselves glory in you in the churches of God for your patience and faith in all your persecutions, and tribulations that ye endure:"
2 Timothy 1:3-5a, "I thank God, whom I serve from my forefathers with pure conscience, that without ceasing I have remembrance of thee in my prayers night and day; Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I might be filled with joy; when I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee..."
Philemon 1:4-5, "I thank my God, making mention of thee always in my prayers, Hearing of thy love and faith, which thou hast toward the Lord Jesus, and toward all saints.."
Now ladies, I just gave you nine examples of the affirmative approaches the apostle Paul made before he dove into correcting, teaching or just dealing in general with others that he was writing to. Think about the last nine approaches you have personally made before sharing some strong words with another person. Can you look back on them in light of these verses and find that you coupled your approach acknowledging the affirmatives in that person's life? Or isn't that your style? No doubt about it, the apostle Paul used some strong words when he spoke to others about right and wrong and living for God, amen? But regardless of the content of his letters, you'll find that Paul's style was always affirming. He affirmed in others only those qualities that TRULY existed, for those things that they were doing that were PLEASING TO GOD. He didn't conjure something up, but was sincere in his affirmations! Are you?? The apostle Paul's humility of heart and mind allowed him to see qualities in others that could and should be commended. It's our pride that blurs our vision of ourselves and others, amen?
You see, the apostle Paul began stating what he most appreciated about his readers and the joy he felt because of their faith in God. He affirmed their privilege of being in Gods family, the power God gave them to speak out for Him and understand His truth, and the presence of their spiritual gifts and their faithfulness in using them etc. Then he proceeded to correct them and address those areas they needed to change, grow in, or repent of. We find through the apostle Paul's example then that affirmation was helpful for creating in others a readiness to receive correction. When we must correct others, it helps to begin by affirming what God has already accomplished in them. We would do well to apply this principle to our lives when approaching our husbands with sensitive issues, correcting our children, or dealing with our friends and loved ones, amen?
Even in honest evaluation of ourselves, we must be careful we are not continually condemning ourselves or foolishly approving ourselves. Are you realistically assessing yourself today dear lady? If God has changed us and His grace has accomplished a perfect work in our lives, we must affirm that this work has been done! If in your realistic assessment of yourself you find you are lacking in certain areas, be sure that you are willing to admit the truth, otherwise your affirmation of yourself is not helping you, it is hurting you! Discovering the negatives should not cause you and I to become angry and resentful, or ignore them as the world would tell us to do, but rather deal with them according to the Lord and get the victory! Thus we protect ourselves from a distorted viewpoint and can then experience true affirmation.
2 Cor. 10:18, "For not he that commendeth himself is approved, but whom the Lord commendeth."
God Bless,
Pam
Isaiah 60:1&2
Copyright 2000 Pamela A. Iannello
