Song of Solomon 1:7
Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest
thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside
by the flocks of thy companions?
As you can see by the words I underlined in the scripture verse above,
the concept of conversation is what we will be considering next in our
study of intimacy. Let me begin by asking this next question: Are you
approachable, dear lady? Can most people usually come up to you and talk
to you about anything or is it like walking on pins and needles to be
around you? Perhaps they have to feel you out first before they dare open
their mouths.... What about your husband - the one whom your soul loveth?
Can he draw near you with any matter that might be on his heart and find
that you are open to a discussion at any given time? Likewise, can you
approach your husband as easily? Is there frequent and open communication
going on between you two? If not, why not? For me, the phrase "Tell me"
denotes a certain air of security that is shared between husband and wife,
an air where things can be said without hesitation or reserve. But on
the same token, the phrase that follows, "thou whom my soul loveth", also
denotes the attitude with which husband and wife relate in word to one
another. It should be with an attitude of deep love and devotion....
1 Corinthians 13:5
Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked,
thinketh no evil;
The Bible plainly challenges us to measure our lives by the characteristics
of Christ-like love. True love does not behave itself in a rude fashion.
It is not quickly made sour or bitter, barring all chance for sarcasm
to surface in conversation. Hence, we ought not to approach one another
with the intent to "slice and dice", using hurtful and corrupt communications,
but rather to edify one another by opening our mouths with wisdom and
having in our tongues the law of kindness as Proverbs 31:26 clearly reminds
us. Oh, how we need this climate of love and devotion to reign within
our marriages! Oh, how husbands and wives need to master the art of ministering
to one another in conversation before we can ever expect to fully enjoy
our physical union with one another! Perhaps you are quick to explode
and slow to diffuse… How close do you really think you're going feel to
your husband, dear wife, when the majority of the words you've exchanged
prior to entering the chambers of intimacy are damaging? Not very close,
I'm certain! The problems that exist in the area of intimacy between many
married couples most often stems from the way they relate to one another
in conversation outside of their bedroom doors! Grace should permeate
every conversation we ever hold....
Ephes. 4:29
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which
is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Words of grace encourage intimacy, ladies! Are you using them?? Burdensome
words burden your marriage; belittling words belittle your marriage; foul
words make a foul marriage. Many wives cry and complain that their husbands
never engage in anything more than just surface talk with them; they whine
that their husbands never get down to discussing the "deeper" issues of
life, such as marital issues, child-rearing issues, spiritual issues etc.
Married couples aren't really experiencing intimacy in conversation, just
casual chit chats on occasion. It is almost as if they were co-workers
passing by one another in an office rather than husband and wife of several
years! If you want to renovate your marriage, renovate your words… Uplifting
words lift up your marriage; agreeable words produce an agreeable marriage.
Ladies, we need to learn God's guidelines for creating intimate conversation…
James 1:19 & 20
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to
speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness
of God.
God's work done God's way brings God's results. Why aren't we doing it
then?? Irritation of any kind is inconsistent with self-government and
also with internal peace and communion with God. So much friction exists
today, even between Christian husbands and wives, hindering intimacy and
destroying their marriage. Why does all the arguing occur; why does all
the snubbing take place between man and wife? Did you ever stop to think
that perhaps this is the way we are treating the Lord in conversation?
How many times do we personally argue with God over what He says in His
Word we ARE to do? How many times do we personally snub God concerning
what He says in His Word we ARE NOT to do? Is it any wonder that we would
treat our spouses rudely if we are treating the Lord God of this universe
in such a pigheaded, disrespectful manner? Your speech reflects your relationship
with God and affects your relationship with your husband.
Psalm 19:14
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable
in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.
I wonder ladies, how often the Lord longs to hear us bring all the deep
issues of our hearts to Him on a frequent basis so that He can listen
and share our heartfelt concerns like we wish our husbands would?? Perhaps
if we were faithful to converse with the Lord more often we would learn
how to converse with our husbands properly! Then those issues we are guilty
of nagging and lecturing them about would have first been taken to and
left with God. As a result, we free ourselves up to create a loving atmosphere
for proper, healthy, and fruitful conversation with our husbands, conversation
that cultivates intimacy and not division. Through casting all our cares
upon God in prayer, we would gain liberty to talk about any issue - apart
from dishing out the criticisms our men so often receive from our tongues.
How many times have you stabbed your husband with hateful comments?
Proverbs 12:18
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of
the wise is health.
Far too many wives place an atmosphere of tension upon their husbands,
some ignorantly and some manipulatively, and it drives their men further
away from intimate conversation. It may even send them in the direction
of another woman who possesses ready, listening ears... Dear wife, pressure
ought to come from heaven, not from home! Yes, we wives must learn the
value of faithfully conversing with the Lord in prayer, trusting Him with
our husbands and the progress of our marriages....
1 Peter 3:4&5
But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible,
even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of
God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women
also, WHO TRUSTED IN GOD, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto
their own husbands.
Are you famous for giving your husband some form of a demeaning lecture
whenever you get into a discussion, dear wife? Do you frequently use a
condescending tone of voice with him? Does your husband feel safe and
secure about sitting down with you over a cup of coffee for a chat or
is he taking a big risk to do so? What kind of a listener are you? What
kind of a listener would your husband say you are?? Ladies, if we are
going to behave as the spouse described in the Song of Solomon, and beckon
our husbands to "tell us", then we better be ready listeners! Is your
heart ready to hear from him? Do you sincerely have your husband's best
interest at heart during times of conversation with him? Or do you simply
tolerate his "babblings" just so you can unload your issues when he is
finished? Do you honestly desire to get to know your man, to listen to
his dreams and desires, his goals and plans, his hopes and fears, his
struggles and victories, his experiences and prayer requests, or do you
only pay attention to find out where he is wrong so you can smugly correct
him on the spot? Be more ready, O wife, to respond with gracious and reverential
words, and develop closeness between you! Create an atmosphere for intimacy
by choosing the language of love…
Proverbs 16:24
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the
bones.
In closing, intimacy is shared more than just behind closed doors, it
is shared in conversation too! It begins outside the chambers of intimacy
and goes inside with you both to make it a precious time of closeness
from beginning to end... Let's try choosing and using words that prove
to our husbands they truly are the one whom our souls love, that we are
devoted to their good and the sweetness of our marriages. We just might
find that they will enjoy talking with us more often! If your husband
is not skilled in communication, dear wife, you can silently educate him
by your own example of loving kindness, your approachable spirit, and
wise words. Be what you want him to become! May you each purpose in your
hearts to improve in the area of setting the tone, thereby inviting intimacy
into your relationship. YOU should be your husband's favorite person to
talk to…
"Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth..."
God Bless,
Pam
Isaiah 60:1&2
Copyright 2000 Pamela A. Iannello
