Today we will continue
our study of intimacy with a look at Song of Solomon 1:5 which says:
"I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of
Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon."
As I said at the start of this study, the church speaks in the character
of the spouse throughout this portion of scripture. This verse above represents
the spouse's perspective of herself. Her attitude is one of self abasement.
She says she is black - she sees herself a sinner. How do you see yourself
today, dear lady? How do you typically view yourself in your marriage
- as a saint?? Are you aware of your own unworthiness, or only your husband's?
Do you think any of the struggles you may be experiencing maritally have
anything to do with YOU, or have you placed all the blame on him? "It's
the husband thou gavest me Lord!" A true believer has come to the place
where he or she admits they themselves are black and defiled by sin, amen?
Romans 7:18, "For I know that in ME (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no
good thing...."
Romans 7:23-24, "But I see another law in MY members, warring against
the law of MY mind, and bringing ME into captivity to the law of sin which
is in MY members. O wretched man that I AM! who shall deliver me from
the body of this death?"
Ladies, we must honestly identify the places in our lives where we are
not controlled by the Holy Spirit and look to the Lord for help and strength
to overcome our flesh. It's time we stopped making excuses for the hindrances
to intimacy that we are experiencing within our marriages. Some of the
problem at home is OUR sin, amen? Though she states she is a sinner, we
find that the spouse also says she is comely. How can a person blackened
by sin be comely?? The reason is she has been renewed by grace through
faith into the holy image of God...
Romans 8:1-15, "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are
in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For
the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the
law of sin and death. For what the law could not do, in that it was weak
through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh,
and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: That the righteousness of the
law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after
the Spirit. For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the
flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For
to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and
peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject
to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the
flesh cannot please God. But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit,
if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not
the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ be in you, the
body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.
But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you,
he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal
bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you. Therefore, brethren, we are
debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after
the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds
of the body, ye shall live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God,
they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage
again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we
cry, Abba, Father."
If you'll notice through the scriptures above, one of the key attitudes
we must each have in order to build right relationships with anyone, let
alone our spouses, is the attitude of humility and dependency upon God.
You and I must have eyes for our own sin, must see ourselves as sinners,
as black and in need of the Lord's washing on a daily basis. Unfortunately,
we seem to only have eyes that see the sin of others, amen? We see their
dirt and want to give them a bath and forget that we need one too! Pride
is what gives us the wrong perspective toward ourselves and others and
deeply hinders our ability to build healthy, warm, and loving relationships
with our husbands. However, if we stop there at the point of our sin,
and do not remember that we who are black are also comely through Christ,
we will listen to the voice of condemnation and be without hope for ourselves,
our spouses, our marriages! Ladies, God does not want us to live in a
crippled and defeated state of mind. He wants us to lead happily married
lives and believe that it is possible to do so! But we must first recognize
the problem in any home is always rooted in sin - beginning with our sin,
amen? Our heavenly Father wants us to know that the truth can set us free!
We do not have to live in bondage to our sin natures. We are sinners saved
by grace and are able to overcome the world, the flesh and the devil!
Nothing ought to defeat us, amen?
1 Cor. 15:57, "But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through
our Lord Jesus Christ."
Dear wife, if you're seriously interested in building intimacy into your
marriage, you must understand that the only foundation it can be built
upon is humility. You must be willing to look at the sin in your own heart
that needs to be repented of so that construction can begin! Sin separates
- repentance unites! It first unites us to God and then unites us to our
husbands and brings us closer together in heart, mind, soul - and even
body. Instead of arguing over who is more of a sinner in your marriage,
why don't you both be willing to admit the truth? It's not all your husband's
fault... Believers are each still deformed with the remains of sin, amen?
Why don't you both come along side one another and in humility confess
your deformities, admit your unworthiness and go to the Lord together
for a cleansing of your sins, crying Abba, Father? It will keep your marriage
alive and lay the proper foundation for intimacy to be built upon.
God Bless,
Pam
Isaiah 60:1&2
Copyright 2000 Pamela A. Iannello
