Last lesson we were about to take notes from the wise woman of Abel in 2 Samuel chapter 20, as she shows us firsthand how to handle conflict head-on, yet peaceably… If you remember, her city is under the attack of Joab who is in hot pursuit of Sheba, a traitor to the king who is hiding out somewhere in Abel. Let's pick up with verse 19 where we find that in order to protect her home and her city, this unknown woman has willingly made herself vulnerable to her attacker, and has fearlessly requested Joab's full attention and ear. The mighty warrior has consented to listen, so let's pay attention as she begins her approach…
I am one of them that are peaceable and faithful in Israel: thou seekest to destroy a city and a mother in Israel: why wilt thou swallow up the inheritance of the Lord?
We find here that even in the midst of an intense conflict, this woman is one of a peaceable nature. Though it is a highly emotional situation for her as a citizen and a parent, she has not lost her head or her cool. Are you one that is like her, dear lady? Is the goal of working toward peace in the forefront of your mind when you are under attack, or is getting revenge usually your only motivation? If so, there will be casualties along the way, and they might be within your very own home!
Proverbs 25:28 (KJV)
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken
down, and without walls.
You see ladies; a righteous woman cultivates peace. If you'll notice, scripture does not say this little lady came stomping up to Joab with her hands on her hips demanding to know just what he thought he was doing to the city in which she resided! That wouldn't be too wise, amen? As a matter of fact, that would be the end of their discussion and the restart of Joab's attack, beginning with her! Yet how many of us treat people that very same way when there is a problem between us… When conflict arises we get in the other party’s face and say, "What's YOUR problem?" Instead, with her spirit under God's control, the wise woman of Abel simply states her heart's desire and Joab is able to see that her motives are pure in the matter at hand. She has not foolishly set her attacker on the defensive, but rather removed any concerns that he might have about her advance. She puts Joab at ease, opening the door for further communication.
James 3:17 (KJV)
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle,
and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality,
and without hypocrisy.
As Christians, rather than being accused of being riotous, argumentative, and unapproachable, we should be guilty of handling our conflicts in a godly fashion. It's possible to remain levelheaded and steady in spirit, though another threatens our peace. We need not be overcome of evil but can overcome evil with good. However, this cannot be accomplished apart from God's guiding wisdom, for God's wisdom is pure - it has no disguise or deceit accompanying it. It is full of mercy and GOOD fruits! The truly wise person will show in his daily life that he is a child of God. Attitude and action go together! Peaceableness is godliness in action, and should always be our attitude at the onset of working any problems out. If peace isn't your main motive, then don't go near the issue until you get your heart right!
Romans 12:18-19a (KJV)
If it be possible, as much as lieth in YOU, live peaceably with all men.
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, neither give place unto wrath…
Ladies, don't give way to your wrath, do all that you can to be peaceable - that is God's advice to us in the midst of conflict, and the wise woman took it! Will you?? She fought wisely for the sake of her home, for if you remember, she mentioned to Joab that she was a mother. In other words, her children were important enough to send her out to face her enemies wisely! Our children are those that stand to suffer most when our conflicts are not handled properly. They lose what peace could have been enjoyed in their lifetime as they sit and listen to the battles among adults - Christian ones at that, even mothers and fathers as they stand by and watch us tear one another down! Man's wisdom leads to competition, rivalry, and war, but God's wisdom leads to peace. Conflict is a part of life, but how much better for our children to learn how to handle conflict properly by our wise examples rather than being the innocent victims injured by them! Protect your children best by exercising a godly, peaceable approach, for it will always have a pacifying effect on our enemies…
2 Samuel 20:20 (KJV)
And Joab answered and said, Far be it, far be it from me, that I should
swallow up or destroy.
What an amazing response this wise woman is able to extract from her enemy! Because her motives were pure and her approach toward Joab peaceable, this woman has disarmed her attacker and brought him to the place of not wanting to bring destruction upon her city. She has removed the hostility and provoked him to good works, for the last thing Joab now wants to do is bring harm her way. He has become reasonable… Instead of battling over the matter, Joab is free to further explain his side of the conflict to the wise woman. She has tactfully provided a safe environment for a healthy discussion to take place between her and her attacker, and she willingly hears his side of the matter…
Proverbs 1:5a (KJV)
A wise man will hear, and will increase learning...
Wives, let's be sure that when we are at odds with our husbands we operate this same way! So often we assume the worst about our husbands before we will try to listen to or understand them! At times we will even accuse them of certain behavior without hearing their side of the situation. Assuming the worst about the intentions of others only brings trouble! Instead, if we would just be willing to listen to the other side in times of conflict, we might learn something that we didn't know, just like the wise woman did. Beware of reacting and passing judgment before you hear the whole story! The Bible says that every man should be swift to hear and slow to speak, slow to wrath. Why? Because the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God! Only spiritual wisdom brings spiritual results. Rather than hastily acting upon her own assumptions, this wise woman learns WHY her city is being attacked. She discovered it was by reason of Sheba who was hiding there, a traitor who was guilty of leading a revolt against the king…
2 Samuel 20:21 (KJV)
The matter is not so: but a man of mount Ephraim, Sheba the son of Bichri
by name, hath lifted up his hand against the king, even against David:
deliver him only, and I will depart from the city. And the woman said
unto Joab, Behold, his head shall be thrown to thee over the wall.
Not only did the Bible say the wise woman was peaceable; it said she was also faithful - faithful to the king. Therefore, she fully comprehends Joab's reasons for attack; she understands his behavior now. Might I add here that when husbands and wives are both faithful to the King of Kings we will be more ready to understand one another as well! Since mankind became enemies to God, we have been quick to be enemies one to another…
Proverbs 17:27 (KJV)
He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is
of an excellent spirit.
To whose cause are you most faithful today, dear lady? Your own, or the Lord's?? By her godly wisdom and properly ordered convictions, this wise woman has found deliverance for herself and her home, as well as for her whole city! Because of her skill in approaching conflicts with people properly, Joab, who was originally set toward destroying this city that harbored a traitor, has set the conditions for that which would work the matter out for the best of both sides! All he wanted was Sheba, and Joab promised to leave without harming anything or anyone else within the city.
Oh, the heavenly strength of a truly wise woman! She accomplished more with less casualties than all the fighting men in Abel could have done! She defused a potentially disastrous situation with her peaceable spirit...
James 3:18 (KJV)
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.
Yes, conflicts can be avoided through negotiation, and it is actually possible to escape evil with a peaceable spirit! Ladies, your enemies will actually be at peace with you when you set the tone for the whole situation using God's wisdom and a serene spirit. If our enemies are not melted by unwavering kindness, we are not to seek personal vengeance; the Lord will recompense evil for evil. It is far more profitable for us that we seek to please the One who can protect us best!
Proverbs 16:7 (KJV)
When a man's ways please the Lord, he maketh even his enemies to be at
peace with him.
The story closes with Joab and the wise woman working together for one common goal - the righting of wrong - in other words, the surrender of Sheba the traitor. He was the real problem between them, amen? As we learn from this story, let both sides be undeceived! That is the single condition of peace. There is no peace when sin, the Christian's traitor, reigns in our hearts. It betrays us and causes us to behave in a manner displeasing to our King. It leads us in the direction of a revolt… These two individuals, the wise woman and the warrior started out as enemies. However, instead of setting out to achieve their own personal goals, they worked together for that one common goal of peace. But, the hostility had to be removed between them first. Learn to defeat the evils against you by setting your wrath aside and paving the way for God's…
When you face conflict, step back from the hostilities as this wise woman did, and consider whether you and your would-be enemy have common goals that are bigger than your differences. Appeal to God's interest and glory as you work for a settlement established upon truth. Certainly God's people ought to unite to accomplish our heavenly Father's goals rather than fighting each other, amen? Preparing to negotiate is just as important as preparing to fight!! Joab and the wise woman negotiated for the sin to be removed from between them, and every one went home happy, except for the traitor…
2 Samuel 20:22 (KJV)
Then the woman went unto all the people in her wisdom. And they cut off
the head of Sheba the son of Bichri, and cast it out to Joab. And he blew
a trumpet, and they retired from the city, every man to his tent. And
Joab returned to Jerusalem unto the king.
Wisdom was added to this woman's life by confronting her enemy properly! She was able to take what she learned back to her city and present to the residents the answer to their current dilemma. Notice she went unto all the people in wisdom, not in the flesh… Hence, Sheba's head was delivered to Joab, the war ended and peace returned. Ladies, I want you to realize that Sheba in this story represents the sin in our lives that stands between us and our peace with God. Don't be a traitor to your King! Cut it off, cast it away, and remove sin far from you, for there is no peace with the King on any other terms! As wise women, we should strive to be at peace with both man AND God…
Proverbs 3:1-4 (KJV)
My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: For
length of days, and long life, and PEACE, shall they add to thee. Let
not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them
upon the table of thine heart: So shalt thou find favour and good understanding
in the sight of God AND man.
God Bless,
Pam
Isaiah 60:1&2
Copyright 1999 Pamela A. Iannello
Revised 2004
