“My wife isn’t behind my ministry.”
What you just read is a remark a missionary recently made to another Christian
while discussing his calling. Ladies, it would be foolish for us to think
that such circumstances rarely exist between missionary and wife, amen?
As a pastor's wife, I feel I can understand a bit where the wives of men
in ministry may be coming from. Secondly, I am a female, therefore I feel
confident that what I am describing is common to all women facing changes
ahead of them, as would be the case with a wife considering her new life
on the mission field. Thirdly, missionary wives that have come through
our church have shared their hearts with me concerning what I will call
“facing the field”. Women do not adjust to change as easily or as quickly
as do men. However, this does not mean they are not willing to serve the
Lord or willing to subject themselves to their husbands. Many men make
the mistake of measuring their women with a male ruler only to determine
that if they do not measure equal in emotion, it is because of sin on
the woman's part. While I would never excuse any woman from being capable
of sin, it does the man more harm (and his wife) to make quick assumptions
rather than spending time in prayer and conversation with his wife to
determine the root of the division that exists between them.
Ephes. 5:25-29, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved
the church, and gave himself for it; [26] That he might sanctify and cleanse
it with the washing of water by the word, [27] That he might present it
to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such
thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. [28] So ought men
to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth
himself. [29] For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth
and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:”
If a man's wife were defined as "not being behind him", my first course
of action would be to inspect the health of their marriage and the way
the two have learned to relate to one another. It is not natural for a
Christian woman to behave this way, for the Lord has designed women to
long to complete a man. Therefore, a barrier probably exists between them,
either spiritually or emotionally, if not both. No doubt, a certain amount
of pressure is felt by the wife to “feel” something for the work her husband
is called to. She is all too aware of how hollow she really is inside
and dares not tell a soul… However, a missionary wife is no different
than any other wife; all she needs is a heart for the Lord and her husband.
A love for the people he is called to is developed as she serves them.
Most missionary men spend a great deal of time on deputation attending
missions conferences, showing their slides, and sharing their calling.
Some even take survey trips to their intended country. They have been
living and breathing "missionary air" long before they arrive at their
destination! They have been focused on the future and every step they
take brings them closer to their goal. This goes on for anywhere from
2 to 4 years. However, for several different reasons, the most prominent
being that of children, the women are left at home during all this time
and their hearts, minds, and daily steps have been taken up with issues
pertaining to the "here and now". If they do travel together, the missionary
couple is rarely alone and is usually on opposite sides of the church
all evening. Hence, when deputation is over, the husband is prepared internally
and externally to leave homeland and loved ones while his wife has not
had equal process. The Bible says they are heirs together of the grace
of life... Men who do not know any better behave as if they themselves
were the only heir and criticize the lack of enthusiasm the wife seems
to have for his field. What is needed on the wife’s part is prayer, love,
understanding, support, patience and plenty of time to spill her heart
out. Husband has traveled from point A to point C and without realizing
it, his wife still remains at point A internally. The experience of having
to say goodbye to all that is familiar to her is staring this woman in
the face… Security as she has known it is about to dissolve; her routine
is being terminated; her relationships with close friends and family are
all taking a different turn; she is sensitive to the struggles her children
might be having and may even have to leave the older ones behind. These
realities combined together are creating a host of emotion within the
wife of the missionary, not to mention the fact that the unknown lies
closely on her horizon! She is undeniably “facing the field”! Simply reminding
her of her “duty” to her husband is not the greatest of help at such a
critical hour!
1 Cor. 16:9, “For a great door and effectual is opened unto me, and there
are many adversaries.”
As scripture states, the missionary wife needs to be nourished and cherished
by her husband, not bullied over the border. A godly wife knows her duty
and if she is right with the Lord, desires to carry it out. In their eagerness
to rescue lost souls, some men tend to forget the very soul that stands
by their side... What brought him to point C is not what will bring his
wife to point C! Men and women are different and that difference needs
to be respected, not resented by either spouse. It is vitally important
for a husband, whether he is a missionary, a pastor, or maybe not even
involved in the Lord's work at all, to learn to dwell with his own wife
in an understanding manner. The temptation for a Christian husband is
to react bitterly toward the differences that exist between he and his
wife rather than behaving toward her in a tenderhearted, Christ like way.
All of these significant lessons lie ahead of the missionary couple…
1 Peter 3:7, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge,
giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs
together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."
The very power behind a husband's entire ministry hinges upon whether
or not he honors his wife the way Christ says he should. There is rarely
conflict when this principle is in place in the home, which is why my
first action would be to question the marital health of the missionary
who made that opening statement. By the time they arrive on their field,
most missionary’s homes have deteriorated greatly and their testimony
for Christ is powerless. They are anything but ready to bring glad tidings
of good things to a foreign country… What a way to begin a work for God!!
There is a time of nourishing that will be necessary on the wife's part.
Their marriage in general will need renovation after the stress they have
encountered during deputation. It doesn't make sense to rush into new
territory and leave your best friend behind, amen?
Psalm 96:12a, “Let the field be joyful, and all that is therein…”
Ladies, today I want to encourage you to consider the missionaries that
your church now supports. Consider too, those who come through your churches
throughout the course of the year to share their burden for other lands.
They are struggling in ways they cannot express! Pray for them; pray for
what lies ahead of them; pray for their marriages – for husband and wife
to dwell with one another in an understanding and submissive manner. Pray
for them as they “face the field”. They desperately need more than just
your financial support! You too, can send the light - back into their
hearts and homes.
God Bless,
Pam
Isaiah 60:1&2
Copyright 2002 Pamela A. Iannello
