One of the most unattractive qualities that I think a woman can have is that of a complaining spirit. I am frequently aware of how ugly it sounds when I complain about something. When words of discontent are exiting my lips, I am instantly convicted of their lack of appeal, but find it is difficult to stop the flow once it starts! Perhaps you've felt the same way on occasion. Proverbs 17:14 wisely states, “The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.” What is the most frequent complaint you hear? What do you tend to complain or squabble about most often? Are you known for having a murmuring spirit? Is it even possible to overcome a complaining nature?? The answer is YES, for the Bible says in Phillipians 2:14:
Do all things without murmurings and disputings.
Are you following these instructions in relation to every day Christian living? Webster's 1828 dictionary defines murmuring as uttering complaints in a low voice or sullen manner; grumbling; complaining. Disputings are defined as the act of contending by words or arguments. Of course, these dissembling remarks are aimed at and verbalized before the agent causing the discontent… What a repulsive demeanor! Are you making a conscious effort NOT to complain or argue? Complaining is an ugly activity, giving way to ugliness of spirit. Ladies, when we grumble about secret discontents, we are actually reflecting a stubborn spirit! Disputings refer to the thinking of a man or woman deliberately within himself, rationalizing and calculating a matter to the end of causing controversy. The root problem is we are of a doubtful heart. Hence, our lack of faith gives birth to anxiety as we wrestle with internal conflicts leading to outward quarrels with those around us. Ugly! Ugly! Ugly!
Romans 14:19 (KJV)
Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things
wherewith one may edify another.
So then, how attractive are you, dear lady? By that I mean, are you doing ALL things free of murmurings and disputings? Why did the Lord have to put the word “ALL” in that verse anyway?? I'll tell you why - because the Christian is called to unquestioned submission to God's will! You see ladies, it's not your husband you are questioning when you bicker over issues that relate to the man you married, you are contending with God's authority over your life!! Your real argument is with the Lord.
Isaiah 45:9 (KJV)
Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with
the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth
it, What makest thou? or thy work, He hath no hands?
For example, you might struggle with inward questions such as: “What is God doing letting this man get away with this?? Why isn't He punishing my husband for his sin that I so clearly see as his wife? Why won't God soften my husband's heart toward me? Why won't God change my husband so I can be a happy wife and mother? When are things going to change in our home? When will he help me with the training of these kids?” Ladies, when we think this way in our hearts, we will also begin to rationalize and calculate in our minds what needs to be done to improve things! Because of our doubtful hearts, we don't trust God to do anything about it all, for it appears the Lord is either taking too long or has forgotten about our circumstances all together, and then we impatiently and angrily take matters into our own hands and say something we ought not. We’ll drop a criticism here and a criticism there… We voice those inward expressions of secret discontent outwardly by habitually complaining, and thus, borne are the disputes between husband and wife.
Proverbs 19:13b (KJV)
…the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.
How many of you really think that after spending any amount of time routinely depositing critical remarks in your husband’s lap that you are then going to find it easy to submit to him afterward?? It won't happen! Apart from accepting and submitting to the Lord's daily will for our lives, fault finding will become an ugly habit and we will be quick to invite controversy. Proverbs 16:28 says, “A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.” Ladies, a contentious spirit is a repellant – it keeps men and the Lord at a great distance from us. Only a fool would engage in such unattractive behavior…
Proverbs 19:3 (KJV)
The foolishness of man perverteth his way: and his heart fretteth against
the Lord.
This verse explains precisely why we mutter and sputter and frequently clash with one another. We are fretting against the Lord and what He is doing in our lives - or not doing… Actually, we are fretting against either the wisdom or the goodness of God when we are dissatisfied with things at hand. Since nothing can happen to us without God's knowledge, we should endure struggles of any kind patiently and without protest, trusting the Lord’s hand to work out all things for the good…
Hebrews 13:5 (KJV)
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such
things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake
thee.
Stop coveting a better, easier life! Desire nothing more than what God has given you this day. The Lord has not left you - nor left you in charge! No matter how bleak your situation may seem, God has not forsaken you; He is at work in the very circumstances of which you find yourself in the midst! Don't reject the Lord’s sovereignty by anxiously wishing things were different all the time - be content! God’s goodwill to us is the cause of His good work in us! The Lord is still on the Throne; therefore we should be able to perform our duties minus all the verbal clutter. Do right and don’t find fault with it! Mind your work the Lord has called you to and do not quarrel with it! If you don't stop murmuring and disputing, it will destroy you and open you up to Satan’s attacks as you fully reject the Divine leadership of the Lord in your life…
1 Cor. 10:10 (KJV)
Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of
the destroyer.
Contentment is the key; it is the answer to a complaining spirit. It is contentment that puts the beauty back into our spirits and washes that ugliness away. Stop walking around looking as if you were weaned on a pickle! The most beautiful woman in the world can appear ugly to all when consumed with a discontented and complaining spirit, and the plainest of women can become the most beautiful of all when filled with the spirit of contentment! Why not improve your looks today with resignation to God’s will?
1 Timothy 6:6 (KJV)
But godliness with contentment is great gain.
Phillipians 4:11 (KJV)
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever
state I am in, therewith to be content.
The simple truth of the matter is you have been complaining, murmuring, and disputing because you have not yet LEARNED to be content! You say, “Yes I have!” Are you content in all areas of your life today - no matter what the state of affairs might be?? Perhaps that is the very reason why things are not changing around you… They may remain so until you learn to stop complaining and grow to be content! Ladies, joy should not be dependent upon our outward circumstances, but on the indwelling Christ. Every time you and I complain about our lot in life, God takes it personally. Better adjust your attitude - submit yourself to the will of God for your life each day and find your sufficiency in Christ so that you can do all things - WITHOUT murmuring and complaining! If God has told us to conduct ourselves in this holy fashion, then He has also equipped us to succeed in the duty of it. There is no excuse for an ugly spirit!
Psalm 29:2 (KJV)
Give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name; worship the Lord in the
beauty of holiness.
God Bless,
Pam
Isaiah 60:1&2
Copyright 2000 Pamela A. Iannello
Revised 2003
