When you go or have gone to someone's house for dinner, do you sit down
to the meal your hosting family has prepared, gobble up the food, enjoy
the fellowship, and then simply take your leave without a word to anyone
in the house - no thank you, no goodbye, just make your exit? Certainly
it would be a rude gesture and in opposition to all forms of etiquette
and social training! Likewise, it is astonishing to me how often individuals
and/or families will search for, visit, and then join a church, absorb
the spiritual food that has been prepared for awhile, benefit from the
help, the prayers, and the fellowship of good people and then up and depart
one day, never to return - without ever saying a proper goodbye to anyone
in the house of God! Ladies, I hope that as a believer in Christ you have
not been guilty of displaying such bad manners! How do you suppose that
our heavenly Father would want His children to take their leave of one
another? Why don't God's people feel it is necessary to make politeness
a part of their Christian testimony? I came across some basic guiding
principles for politeness from a non-Christian resource that I've included
below. They are to be applied when leaving the workplace but I find that
they fit even when leaving a church! Frankly, I believe Christians ought
to exhibit better behavior than lost people, yet even the world seems
to display finer manners than many believers…
1. TELL THEM UP FRONT THAT YOU'RE LEAVING
2. TELL THEM WHY YOU ARE LEAVING
3. EXPRESS APPRECIATION FOR PAST TRAINING
I'm sure that if you've been a member of a Bible believing church for
any length of time you would amen the fact that this little list is not
the typical manner in which folks who depart the fellowship of your church
take their leave - but it should be! A visit usually has to be made to
the home to find out what is going on, to find out why members suddenly
disappear. Upon discussing their departure, many people assure you that
their decision to leave is God's will for their life. If this is true,
shouldn't God's will be carried out God's way?? Whatever the reason may
be, if God were indeed leading people out of one church and into another,
wouldn't our heavenly Father prompt His children to say a proper goodbye?
(How do you train your children to make their exits socially?) Don't you
believe it is a common courtesy to thank your pastor for the spiritual
food you received as he labored in the Word on your behalf? Surely you
are thankful enough to express appreciation for past training before you
make your permanent exit? Let's look at some Biblical examples of departure
and see if we can't improve our understanding of good Christian etiquette…
Acts 18:18a (KJV)
And Paul after this tarried there yet a good while, and then took his
leave of the brethren, and sailed thence into Syria…
Acts 20:35-21:1 (KJV)
I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support
the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It
is more blessed to give than to receive. [36] And when he had thus spoken,
he kneeled down, and prayed with them all. [37] And they all wept sore,
and fell on Paul's neck, and kissed him, [38] Sorrowing most of all for
the words which he spake, that they should see his face no more. And they
accompanied him unto the ship.
Acts 21:5-6a (KJV)
And when we had accomplished those days, we departed and went our way;
and they all brought us on our way, with wives and children, till we were
out of the city: and we kneeled down on the shore, and prayed. [6] And
when we had taken our leave one of another, we took ship; and they returned
home again.
2 Cor. 2:13 (KJV)
I had no rest in my spirit, because I found not Titus my brother: but
taking my leave of them, I went from thence into Macedonia.
These are just a few examples of the solemn and affectionate manner in
which goodbyes were extended between Christians. Character in a saint
means the disposition of Jesus Christ persistently manifested. Are you
showing evidence of Christ in all your manners, dear lady? Any form of
rudeness is rooted in pride. You expect the shepherd and church family
from whom you are departing to believe your Christian character has improved
greatly, yet it is not rich enough to express a decent goodbye! That is
slightly hypocritical, don't you think? Character is evidence that we
are built on the right foundation… When God alters your disposition, the
first thing the new disposition will do is to stir up your brain to think
along God's line. Ladies, your heavenly Father would inspire you to take
your leave in a courteous, Christ-like fashion!
John 14:27a (KJV)
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth,
give I unto you.
John 16:7 (KJV)
Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away:
for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart,
I will send him unto you.
How can you expect that the Lord will bless your life in a new church
when you left your old one impolitely? We should all have the decency
to depart as Jesus would - going out in truth, thereby leaving behind
an atmosphere of peace and comfort… When you prove to God that you are
grateful for what He has supplied you in your past location by implementing
godly attitudes in your departure, He'll be able to bless you in your
new location. Apart from Christ-like humility, there can be no real growth.
What's comical is that when Christians begin their search for a new church
they shop for a friendly one and will judge the church based on their
polite treatment of them as visitors!! If they are treated rudely, they
firmly declare, "I'll never visit that church again!" never considering
their own rude behavior they personally displayed as members when departing
from their old church!! Coming or going, courtesy is essential.
2 Tim. 4:10 (KJV)
For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world, and is departed
unto Thessalonica; Crescens to Galatia, Titus unto Dalmatia.
The way in which you take your leave proves the focus of your heart. Demas
and Paul served the Lord together but then one day Demas just up and left
without a proper goodbye. No "thank you's" were extended to Paul for Christian
training; no gratefulness was expressed for opportunities to grow; he
just abandoned ship, so to speak. Ladies, if Demas took his leave for
godly reasons, his manner of departure would have evidenced his commitment
to God; his conduct would have proven his godly interests. Instead, Demas
exit proved his affections were rooted outside of the Lord. What does
your conduct prove?
Psalm 18:21 (KJV)
For I have kept the ways of the Lord, and have not wickedly departed from
my God.
Psalm 119:102 (KJV)
I have not departed from thy judgments: for thou hast taught me.
Perhaps the reason we are indifferent toward proper goodbyes is because
we treat God and His Word with a great deal of disrespect. Ladies, I hope
you carry the same attitude David did about departing from God - it's
wicked! If we daily live in close communion with the Lord, there are things
we will and will not do. How so? Because the Spirit of God will dictate
our actions as well as our attitudes. You see, God never departs from
us - that's how faithful our Lord is! If you claim to be in close fellowship
with the Lord, wouldn't it stand to reason that His nature would govern
your faithfulness as a child of God? Likewise then, the Lord would also
influence your manners as a Christian…
Proverbs 5:7 (KJV)
Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of
my mouth.
The more faithful believers are to the Word of God, the more faithful
they will be to the house of God and to the man of God, their shepherd.
If you are casually tied to the Word of God, you'll be casually tied to
the house of God. If you are in and out of the Bible, you'll be in and
out of church! You'll come and go as you please, not as it would please
your heavenly Father. There will be an obvious fickleness and faithlessness
to your testimony, as is the case with many believers today…
1 Cor. 15:33 (KJV)
Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.
Ladies, if you would improve your manners, then you must understand that
your communication with God must first improve! Our conduct as believers
greatly hinges upon our connection with the Lord. As you consider the
way you make your exits, is Christ-like courtesy at the heart of all your
departures or are they colored with rudeness? Is politeness a part of
your testimony, dear lady? If your manners are corrupt, then you haven't
been spending enough time with your heavenly Father and too much time
in the world! Conveying a proper goodbye is the fruit of a proper welcoming
of the truth…
1 Peter 1:15 (KJV)
But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of
conversation;
God Bless,
Pam
Isaiah 60:1&2
Copyright 2003 Pamela A. Iannello
