Below is a lesson I put together for a Mother/Daughter dinner at our
church and the issues we covered that night. Our theme was "A Pattern
of Femininity." I had an old sewing machine on display and various feminine
patterns of dresses for both women and girls. Scattered about were sewing
notions and colorful buttons. The entire display was intertwined with
a sunflower vine and yellow measuring tape lying upon lace. I gave travel
sewing kits to the young girls in attendance and the dress patterns were
given away to women whose names were drawn at the end of the evening.
As a game for the younger, I purposely hid a thimble in our loft and the
little girl who found it received a potholder making kit. Mini skits put
on by our mothers and daughters exhibiting some of the points taught below
were employed within the devotion. Everyone did a marvelous job! Now that
you have an idea of the atmosphere, read on and join in on what we learned...
FEMININITY - pertaining to a woman or women or to females. Soft; tender;
delicate. Destitute of manly qualities.
We live in a day when femininity is an attribute that is becoming more
evident in men and less evident in women! Even within the church, among
God's people, young girls and grown women alike exhibit traits that God
intended to belong solely to man.
What has happened that this should come about? I believe that mothers
have failed to learn and submit to God's pattern for females. Hence, we
neglect to train our young girls to develop what God started in them at
the formation of their lives...
How many of you were born female? If you answered positively and know
without a shadow of a doubt that you are a girl, then would you agree
that God intends you to behave in a manner that is absent of manly qualities?
Perhaps you are one who believes a female should exhibit a "blending"
of both natures… Nevertheless, how many mothers and daughters are faithful
to follow the Creator's distinct pattern of femininity? Though many women
have changed their mind about being feminine - do you really think GOD
has??
Acts 17:28a (KJV)
For in him we live, and move, and have our being...
If you have been born-again by the blood of Christ, then God is your Father.
If you are a saved female here, there is a certain way that your heavenly
Father would have you to behave - and not behave! The whole purpose of
being united with the Lord Jesus is that He may live in us. It is then
that our attitudes, our affections, and our actions may be become physical
expressions of the spiritual life of God within us. Ladies, the Lord alters
our nerves, our passions, and our tempers - the internal make-up of a
person. He alters every physical thing in a human being so that our bodies
can be used to manifest our nature in Christ. That means, as women, we
can make our eyes, ears, mouth, nose, and every body organ express the
fact that we belong to Jesus! How are you physically expressing your spiritual
life, dear lady? How are you working out that which God has worked in?
If you were born female, then you should be expressing your born-again
nature in a feminine manner!
Colossians 2:6 (KJV)
As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him:
FEMININITY AND THE 5 SENSES
~ SIGHT - SOUND - TASTE - TOUCH - SMELL ~
The five senses might not seem to have any spiritual meaning, but in the
Bible they have! These senses are dealt with as expressions of the soul
life and they are indicators of the spiritual life. The internal part
of a woman's being is affected by her spiritual relationships. If your
spiritual connection is not right with God, your bodily condition will
eventually manifest the disorganization that dwells within!
SIGHT - That which is beheld; open view
The goal of every Christian woman should be the highest level of ladylike
sensitivity, appearance, and conduct. Have you set your sights on the
goal of being feminine? Think about what your eyes focus on! And then
consider the pattern you are for your daughter…
1. television programs - what philosophies do they promote concerning
femininity?
2. books, magazines - many promote concept of "liberation" that produces
abrasive attitudes
3. toys - imagination at play (1 Cor. 15:33, 2 Cor. 10:5)
Imagine a sleek, pink convertible sport scar pulling into your driveway
and a voluptuous young woman steps out wearing tight pants and low-cut
shirt, her long blond hair gleaming freely in the sun. After you answer
her knock at your door she asks if she may play with your young daughter
alone for the afternoon. What would your answer be? If you said no, then
may I ask what Barbie does for your daughter?? So many young girls have
forsaken playing with baby dolls - that which builds a soft, delicate
and nurturing nature into their spirits, in exchange for fellowship with
the independent, worldly nature of Barbie! Here is a braless image, with
no apparent authority over her life, roaming the world doing and wearing
whatever she wants, spending time alone with "Ken" on occasion and admired
by Christian mothers and daughters all over the world! As an impressionable
little girl, may I ask how one plays in a godly manner with a toy like
that??
Christian mother, what makes you think your daughter will know how to
determine what clothes should be hanging in her closet one day after the
long term exposure Barbie has provided her to a worldly, revealing, harlot-like
wardrobe?? Do you teach your girls to admire such women in real life?
As Christian mothers you must give sober and careful consideration to
the toys you select that feed the imagination of your precious little
children! God cares about pretend time - and so does the devil! Don't
think for a moment that seeds of unrighteousness cannot be sown through
the toys in your home - even the prettiest and most popular are not always
safest! Not everything "pink" is to be wholeheartedly embraced...
Psalm 101:3 (KJV)
I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that
turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.
Seek to appear feminine! Give careful thought to what you look like!
1. neat, tidy appearance, meticulous grooming - teeth, hair, nails
2. dress appropriately (no slits, slips for modesty & lots of ladylike
style)
3. walk in graceful fashion - no running or stomping! Sitting/posture
4. gum chewing, nail biting, nose picking, chewing food with mouth open
2 Tim. 2:20-21 (KJV)
But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver,
but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour.
[21] If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel
unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto
every good work.
Purge yourself of harsh attributes. Be a magnet and a mirror for Christ!
SOUND - That which strikes the ear
Sounds you allow in:
What do you allow to strike your ear? Is it feminine?? (soft, tender &
delicate?)
Choices in music - does it soften you to the spirit of God or harden your
heart?
Conversations in which you participate - godly content or gossip and slander?
Rev. 3:22 (KJV)
He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith...
Sounds you allow out:
Is your femininity striking the ear of others?
Terminology – “Cool”, “Bucks”, “Hello!” “Dude”, and foul language are
not ladylike expressions!
Topic - glorifying to God and uplifting - What is the prominent mood of
your speech? Blabbermouth, bragging & brooding are all gruff!
Tone - quality of sound, overall "feel" of your voice. Incorporate femininity
into your pitch!
Pace - rattle of words like a machine gun, gaps where groping for words,
dragging lazily through sentences
Enunciation/ word formation/grammar "Em ar gud!" "Et ain't like 'at!
Ladies, good grammar is acceptable at every social level; bad grammar
limits your effectiveness as a Christian. Poor grammar is not so much
a reflection of your level of education - it is a reflection of your level
of concern!
Don't hog conversations and don't hide from them!! A godly lady knows
the balance between the two...
Manners At Home: Please, Thank You, Pardon Me, I'm sorry - Are your little
girls being trained to use them?
Titus 2:8a (KJV)
Sound speech, that cannot be condemned…
Mother - are you a "sound" example of what your daughter should be??
TASTE - A particular sensation by which the quality or flavor is distinguished;
to experience or enjoy; with respect to what is pleasing
Do you have feminine tastes? Do you find things of a soft, tender, & delicate
nature objectionable or gratifying? Are you creating in your daughter
a taste for things pertaining to the female nature?
Mother, consider the areas you might be seasoning your daughter's spirit
with masculinity…or even your own! In what kinds of recreational activities
do you choose to involve yourselves? For example, do you really believe
a Tae-Bo workout enhances a ladylike spirit? Should little girls be encouraged
to play soccer and compete with boys? Are such activities building feminine
or masculine behavior into your spirits? Can you distinguish the difference
between masculinity and femininity with respect to what is most pleasing
to the Lord??
Col. 3:1-2 (KJV)
If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where
Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. [2] Set your affection on things
above, not on things on the earth.
Romans 12:1-2 (KJV)
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present
your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your
reasonable service. [2] And be not conformed to this world: but be ye
transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that
good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
TOUCH - To be in contact with; to properly attach oneself to
When someone enters the doors of your home, is it clear that a woman lives
there or does it give the impression the place is a "bachelor pad", military
camp or just a pit stop for the family? If you are a woman, and you have
properly attached yourself to your home, there will be certain evidence
that a female lives there!! Look at your home through the eyes of a stranger
and consider whether it bears a woman's touch. Is there a softness that
presides over the way you have decorated and arranged things, both inside
and out? (Flowers, wind chimes, doilies, soft colors etc.)
Is your contact with others of a feminine nature? Understanding the definition
of feminine as being soft, tender, and delicate - is this the manner in
which you typically interact with people?
What is your contact like at home, mother? How are you attaching yourself
to your husband and children? Girls, are you tenderly attaching yourself
to your parents and other family members? Or are mother and daughter both
all prickles and stings and mood swings??
Titus 3:1-2 (KJV)
Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates,
to be ready to every good work, [2] To speak evil of no man, to be no
brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.
A nature opposed to femininity would be that of behaving as a brawler.
Such a one quarrels noisily and indecently… Their actions show a spirit
of wrath, their eyes flash with impatience, and their faces flush with
anger and unkindness flows from their lips. Do you roar, bellow, and drive
folks away with your loud, callous nature? Some of our young girls are
very skilled at telling young boys off - hands on hips included! I wonder
where they learned that from, mother??
2 Tim. 2:24 (KJV)
And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men,
apt to teach, patient,
Seek to add a feminine touch to all that takes place within your home
- AND your church!
SMELL - To perceive by the nose; to have an odor or particular scent
Do you know what is interesting about smells? Often times they go before
you and speak of you before your presence is entered and linger to speak
of you even after you leave. Smells tell a lot about people! Of course,
we can't talk about smell and not consider personal hygiene! I hope you
are never too busy to give constant attention to the aroma you give off!
Would you say that you smell feminine most of the time? For example, if
you are one who heavily perspires, do you spare folks the experience of
breathing in your body odor by wearing a good deodorant? It may even mean
that you have to sponge down a few extra times during the course of the
day. Whatever the case may be, keep yourself smelling swell!
Song 5:5 (KJV)
I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and
my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock.
Although there are old favorites still exist, many new fragrances today
are created to be worn by either male or female. Should a woman, designed
by God to be soft and delicate, surround herself with a manly aura? What
man, in his RIGHT mind, wants to snuggle up to a woman who is wearing
the same cologne as he is?? Not my husband! Even though he likes John
Wayne, I know for a fact he wouldn't want me smelling like him!! Be distinct
in your choice of fragrance.
Proverbs 27:9 (KJV)
Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart:
How about your home? What are the smells that linger there? Leftovers
from fish dinner a few days ago?? Burned toast from breakfast? Dirty oven?
Moldy laundry? Trash that needs to be taken out? Strong pet odor? A neglected
bathroom that needs to be thoroughly cleansed? A dirty diaper left in
the wrong place? One of the ways you can test the smells in your house
is when you return home after running errands for a few hours. What is
the general odor when you first open the door? That same odor is what
your guests are greeted with... Believe me, they aren't as used to it
as you are! It's a scent that smacks them right in the face even before
they speak with you and they will perceive something about you by the
smells that surround you! As women, we should diligently tend to the fragrance
of our homes. It should smell like someone cares at your house!
Lastly, consider the aroma of your attitude as a Christian woman. What
is the atmosphere that surrounds your person? What is the fragrance of
your testimony? When entering your presence, do people have a tendency
to turn up their noses at the foul stench you are giving off; or does
your attitude have a pleasant, drawing power? What does your testimony
speak after you leave - what aroma lingers around your name? It would
be interesting to go around the room and describe one another using an
odor. Ex. "When I think of sister so and so, I think of a skunk!"
Ephes. 5:2 (KJV)
And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself
for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
In closing, here is a song that we sang throughout the evening that my
daughter and I put together, utilizing the tune from an old movie. Though
I can't share the melody via e-mail, the words are most important. It
is my heart's desire and prayer that as Christian women we would seek
to keep femininity alive in our hearts and homes! Bible preaching churches
should be packed full of saved women living out their born-again nature
the way they were born - as females! If you have been wrestling with manly
attitudes, actions, and desires, why not ask God to help you finish successfully
what He started in you at creation. Exhibit the glow of femininity...
THE GLOW OF FEMININITY
You must walk feminine, talk feminine
Smile and show style feminine
~ Emphasize your femininity ~
That's what every girl should know,
If for the Lord she wants to glow.
Look feminine, cook feminine
Even reading books feminine
~ Complimenting masculinity ~
That's what every girl should know,
If for the Lord she wants to glow.
(CHORUS)
Let men do the leading - they adore good followers!
Make sure you say thank you,
Whenever others aim to help.
Be radiant, but delicate
Memorize the rules of etiquette!
Be demure, sweet and pure
DIE to the real you!
You must smell feminine, "yell" feminine
You will do well feminine
~ Utilize your femininity ~
That's what every girl should know,
If for the Lord she wants to glow.
Play feminine, pray feminine
See that you stay feminine!
~ Exercising femininity ~
Are you a girl who wants to know?
Yes, for the Lord I want to glow!
God Bless,
Pam
Isaiah 60:1&2
Copyright 2002 Pamela A. Iannello
Revised 2004
